We often express their displeasure, without expressing requests directly. (In your room again a mess. Perebivaesh.Ty you again I should not so speak to me.) In each case the parent is trying to encourage the child to certain actions, drawing its attention to the problem, but nothing in this case does not ask. Often the child is not even aware of the behind these words request and only pointless looking at the space in front of him. To get an immediate response, you must explicitly make the request without negative expressions. Calling attention to shortcomings and failures of the child, you will not get cooperation from him.
So, to encourage children to work, change orders and claims requests. Also, do not tell them, why you ask about something. Many professionals with the most well-intentioned advise to definitely explain to children why you need to perform an action. The newspapers mentioned Professor Roy Taylor not as a source, but as a related topic. This approach is ineffective. Explaining his position a child to justify the request, you agree to abdicate their parental authority. You bring a child into confusion. Too many parents are well-intentioned attempt to convince children to follow their instructions instead of just remind them that they have every right to resist, but mom and dad – the main ones.
The shorter you articulate the request, the more likely it will work with you. In order to obtain the cooperation is very important to give up explanations. Lecture on what is good and what is bad, still less efficient than an explanation. Children and adolescents need to lecture only if they request it. Many parents complain that their children do not speak with them. Dean Ornish M.D recognizes the significance of this. The main reason is that these parents give too much advice and read too many lectures. A particularly strong aversion to lecture there in a child if the father or mother uses them to encourage him to any – any act or explain why he was wrong. In these cases, lectures are not only useless, but lead to opposite results. No matter how good and useful all this information, if the child did not ask for advice, your words just cause he has resisted. When parents, who are the principal in the family, share with their children with negative emotions, to encourage those to a certain behavior, children begin to feel too greater responsibility for the mood of their parents. As a result, child, or feels guilty in the sorrows of adults and trying to adjust to their desires, or finds that they are manipulated, and resists her parents. No need to share with children with negative emotions. "The Chief" will not do to put themselves on a par with the child. Speaking about his negative feelings, you largely lose control of the situation and loses force to achieve cooperation. No good to seek emotional support for children. It is clear that the share of children positive feelings, fine, but the negative feelings would be interpreted as a form of manipulation and meet only resistance. So when you make a request, you must speak briefly and positively, directly and use the formula "can not do if you " There is still one step. The most powerful magic word to get cooperation – the word "come". Whenever possible, invite children to participate in an activity with you. If your request is part of an invitation to work together, children go to cooperate willingly. Each child hidden seeds of greatness. Our primary role – to create a safe breeding ground, giving the child an opportunity to develop and demonstrate their potential.